The Sons of Tennessee Williams

This is an excellent film about Mardi Gras and the history and culture of the gay community in New Orleans.  Check it out here:  http://vimeo.com/37896036

Lousiana, They're Tryin' to Wash Us Away

French Quarter Mardi Gras with flags flown proudly

We arrived in New Orleans a day before a huge rainstorm.  Seattle rain is wimpy compared to the rain down here!  Fortunately, we were able to walk around the French Quarter the day before the storm so we managed to get in some sightseeing and tried to find some leads for the senior housing study.  It seems that things here in NOLA are a bit fractured when it comes to LGBT organizations.  We met the young owner of a gay business who suggested we meet with another gay business owner who might have some connections for us.  Both of these guys were very willing to help us but admitted that the LGBT community in New Orleans has some issues with changes in leadership and in-fighting.  This situation made it difficult to connect with the right people to interview.  I am hoping for a post in a local LGBT magazine that may result in some survey data.  In Baton Rouge, I found some contacts to the community and sent emails but received no response.  There are no phone numbers on web sites to connect you to a human.  So, unless someone in Louisiana comes forward, I'll have to cross this off my list of states.  Sad, as it certainly would be good to know how things are for LGBT seniors here. We would love to come back and visit again, as this is a great city if you like live music and great food as much as I do!

The front of our RV and the road in front of our camping spot post rainstorm.

Goin' Back to Houston, Houston, Houston

We're in Houston and had a full day yesterday, meeting with seniors at the Montrose Center for most of the day and catching up with friends and family in the evening.  Houston has an incredible resource in their Montrose Center.  Here is their web site:  http://www.montrosecounselingcenter.org/

We went to the SPRY (Seniors Preparing for Rainbow Years) Diner in the morning and stayed until 3:00, interviewing some of the wonderful staff members and seniors who attended the lunch event.   Thanks to SPRY participants Pat and M.A. who were so willing to take time for a longer interview and to all the other participants who talked openly about their concerns regarding senior housing.  

I interviewed Judy Woods, SPRY Outreach Worker at the Montrose Center and Ben Morgan who also works at Montrose Center and has been an important advocate for the program.  What wonderfully caring people! Thanks Judy and Ben, for taking time from your busy day to meet with me and talk about what the Montrose Center is doing to support seniors.  Check out this excellent video that describes the services they offer.  http://vimeo.com/3273424   This is a very special place!

Judy Woods

Ben Morgan

Aging in place?

Driving through Texas, particularly West Texas, gives you lots of time to think about where you are and where you want to be.  The research on aging refers to the notion of "aging in place" or the desire of seniors to age where they currently live.  In the last couple of weeks we've spent time with two lesbian couples who have been friends of ours for a number of years.  We've all chosen to leave Seattle and live full-time or part-time (during the warm winter months) in California or Arizona.  For our friends, the choice of where they would want to live if they were unable to care for themselves is based on where their family and friends are, mostly in the Northwest.  Although Jane and I have family and friends in the Northwest as well, our choice would be to live in San Diego as we age. 

Jane and I have lived together for 19 years. Our homes have been in Seattle, Whidbey Island, and San Diego and we've moved 9 times.  I've lived in all the states that start with the letter "I" (there are four of them) and Jane has covered five states.  Not sure what "aging in place" means to seniors who, due to work, pleasure, family, finances, etc. have more than one place that feels like home.  My greatest concern is that aging in place can only provide us the security we are seeking if there are options for us there.  Traveling through Texas, specifically the Austin area, LGBT welcoming senior housing doesn't seem to be in place.  Austin has supportive care for LGBT who want to age at home, provided by trained staff who know and understand our needs.  I called the LGBT center at the University and asked, "Where could I go to find out about services for LGBT seniors?"  The response, "Senior?  What exactly do you mean?"  I answered, "Like, old people!"  The light bulb went on.  "Oh!  I get it!  We don't have anything like that here in Austin."  Ok, I understand this is a young, vibrant, liberal university community but there have to be some of us here that are over 60!  Anyone?  Anyone?

Messin' With Texas

At Big Bend National Park in Texas

Just so happy to be here with my sweetie on Valentines Day!

We went to dinner tonight at a lovely restaurant in Marathon, Texas.  We were the only same-sex couple in the place.  Not too many stares.  The waitress asked if we wanted to split the check.  We smiled and said, "No, thanks."  We were given two roses, one red, one pink.  Things are changing.......even in Texas.

"And what is your husband's name?"

While we were in the Tucson area, we wanted to visit a senior facility where Jane's mother and father lived for a few years. They both were very happy in this community and Jane and her brother always felt their parents had excellent care.  We met with a lovely women in the marketing department who listened carefully to our questions and was very interested in our study.  Much like our visit to a senior community in our neighborhood in San Diego, we left the meeting feeling like senior communities really do want to know our needs and really do want to welcome and include LGBT seniors.  The problem is, they just don't know what that looks like!  

As an example:  When Jane called to make the appointment at the facility, the receptionist asked Jane for the name of her husband.  Jane calmly and clearly answered, "My partner's name is Linda."  Yes, they have some work to do!

One other reason for visiting this senior facility was to see the beautiful Yamaha piano Jane and her brother Wilson, donated to the Memory Care Unit after their mother passed away.  Here is a picture of Jane with the piano in memory of her parents, Louise and Wilson Cooper.  

Ken and Ike

Ike

Ken

the view from their home

In Tucson, we met a couple that were neighbors of our friends, Carol and Sue.  Ken and Ike have been together for over 30 years.  They shared their life stories and were very forthright and introspective during their individual interviews.  As they talked about their travels, work, accomplishments and challenges, their abiding love and commitment to each other was evident.  If their interviews any indication of what is to come, our next six months will be filled with the opportunity to meet wonderful people and make new friends.  The stories of these LGBT seniors will provide rich descriptions of our lives and reveal our thoughts about how we want to live as we age.  

"This isn't a nursing facility."

On our visit to another gated Arizona RV park that is owned and operated by and for women, a long-time resident gave us a tour of the well- kept facilities and told us about the lifestyle in that community .  This park seemed to have residents who were slightly older that the previous park we visited but it had also been in operation longer.  As we walked the streets lined with tidy homes, we were greeted by a woman who was waiting for her ride to the opera.  Another woman was headed to the woodworking shop.  A couple drove by to drop off their house keys so their dog could be fed and watered.   Women here share responsibilities for everything from teaching classes to doing security duty.  When it comes to caring for each other, they surely do.  But, we were also told that there was a limit to what they could do for each other.  "This isn't a nursing facility."  I asked, "How do you decide when it is time for a resident to move into assisted living or a nursing home?"   I was told that residents had to make that decision.  In fact, the woman that was our guide, told us her partner had dementia.  Caring for her at home was no longer possible so she had recently moved her partner into a senior facility nearby.  I could only imagine how difficult this would be after years of living together.  There was a moment of levity in our conversation when she shared that during a recent visit to the facility, she saw her partner caressing the breasts of another woman resident in the unit.  Although it was a bit shocking to see her partner do this, the other woman didn't seem to mind at all!  Maybe there are some things we never forget!

For Grethe

Our Whidbey Island friend is being honored in a RV park for women in Arizona.  We were pleased to see her name up there with Amelia Earhart. 

A Place for Us

After spending a few days visiting family in the Phoenix area, it is time to get back to work!  For several years, we have heard about some great RV parks in the Apache Junction area for women like us, who like to RV and want warm sunshine in the winter.  Today Jane and I visited one park and had a wonderful conversation with the woman who is currently the head honcho.  We felt very comfortable in this environment and both agreed that it would be a nice place to live.  Women were very friendly and the entire place seemed to have good "juju."  When I asked about where residents went when they were unable to stay in their home, I was told that most were cared for by a network of friends within the park -- like co-housing.  When one resident needed to be in a facility with more skilled nursing care, there was a place nearby that was accepting of the woman's partner and recognized their relationship as we would wish all would do.  

When I described my research project and the need for change within senior housing with more out LBGT baby boomers looking at our needs and wants, I was told that this organization too, is thinking about how they market themselves to potential residents.  Will LGBT have a need to be separate as we age?  I admit, it felt wonderful to be in the company of women as we walked and biked around the park.  How would it feel to be with all women again almost all of the time?  Is an inclusive, blended community (straight and LGBT) really where we want to be?  I hope this 6 month adventure will help us make that decision.