Babs

This seems like a good time to introduce you to an old friend of mine, Barbara (Babs) Littlejohn.  I owe so much to this wonderful woman -- she has been a mentor to me for over 30 years and is the source of my inspiration to take on this research project.

A little background:  Babs and I met each other in 1980 when we were both training to be VISTA volunteers.  Babs was working for Legal Aid in Boise, Idaho, and I was working in Sandpoint, Idaho, for a women's shelter.  We first met in McCall, Idaho in the middle of winter.  Babs knew the area well as she had taught in nearby New Meadows.  We went to a natural hot springs and, if you have ever been to one, you understand that it is rather difficult to hide much of anything!  Babs was 10 years my senior but the age difference didn't matter at all.  Sitting nude in the steaming hot springs on a beautiful winter night, the conversation and laughter flowed easily.  We quickly became close friends due to our common interests:   feminism, lesbianism, social justice and music.  During the 1990's we lost touch with each other but caught up again in 2005 through a rather strange coincidence due to her involvement in gifted education in Idaho, and my work as a school district administrator of a gifted program in Washington State.  After we had found each other again, we visited each other, talked on the phone and emailed regularly. 

Then, in 2011, Babs hit a rough patch.  She was so ill she couldn't stay in her home and care for herself.  All of Bab's friends rallied around her to find a place for her to live where she could be safe, well fed and cared for.  I joined an email group of her Boise friends so I could keep up with her situation and tried to help find an appropriate place for her in Boise.  So, from a distance, how do you find appropriate senior housing for a bright, articulate 70 year old, well-educated (Berkley) lesbian with a passion for politics, science, gardening, and music, who also has a dog and a few cats?  I searched web sites for several senior communities in the Boise area and none seemed to be a good fit for Babs.  To be honest, I'm not even sure WHAT I was looking for that would tell me, "This is a great place for Babs."  I looked at pictures to see how people were dressed.  Would Babs fit in wearing her overalls and a t-shirt?  Would she find these people interesting?  Would they be interested in getting to know her?   Would there be any other LGBT residents or  employees there?  How would they learn about her sexual orientation, and how would they react?  Is there anything on the intake form that would let her share this information?  If so, how confidential would that information be?  There were no signs to tell me, "We welcome LGBT here!"

While I was still searching for the "right place" via the internet, Bab's Boise friends had connected with a place they believed was a good fit.  Babs moved in and stayed for less than a year.  It wasn't the right fit and she just wasn't happy.  When I asked her if she liked the community she was always careful to say that the people were "lovely but a bit older" and they didn't have much in common.  She also missed being more independent.  

After spending year or so in an apartment complex, Babs has purchased a new home and finally feels settled in her nest again.  She is happy, healthy, and living close to the community activities in Boise that she so enjoys.  She's still teaching some -- helping a young Latino mother get her GED, she takes music lessons, plays in a recorder group and attends meetings and rallies to fight the very conservative Idaho political machine.   I hope she can stay in her home as long as possible but if she can't, and needs to return to senior housing, I hope by then there will be a place where Babs can be Babs. 

Pre-trip Interview at a Senior Community in San Diego

We're almost ready to go!  In just one week, Jane and I will be leaving on our 6 month adventure around the United States.  We'll be visiting old haunts and going to places we've never been before. We'll connect with friends and family we haven't seen for a while and meet new friends along the way.  Thanks to all of you who have helped us with suggestions for places to see and things to do in this beautiful country we call home.  I also want to thank friends who have have advised me as I move forward with my research project.  My research design is do-able and so far, the survey and interview questions seem to be getting at the issues.  A couple of weeks ago, Jane and I went to a senior housing facility in our neighborhood.  This is the place we both identified as a potential home for us when we are ready for that move to independent senior living.  We chose this community because it suited our desire to "age in place" and also seemed be a place where other open-minded Unitarians seem to prefer. I interviewed one of the administrators and was so happy to find that, yes, this senior community welcomes LGBT seniors and is seeking authentic ways to be welcoming and inclusive.  I am so excited to be researching this topic that is so important to our health and happiness as we age.

This is really going to happen!

A year has passed and I haven't posted anything.  Here are my excuses:  Last January I moved to a different job within the same organization I have worked for since 2009.  The new position was a welcome change but a bit of a learning curve.  Then Jane and I decided to put our house on the market.  It sold immediately so we were forced to consider our options.

Not owning a home actually put us in a great position to take the US road trip we had always dreamed of and combine that with my desire to research housing for LGBT seniors.  I asked for a six month leave of absence from my job and, thankfully, I was given approval.  Magic happens!  We are leaving San Diego on February 2nd and will return on August 1st!  We'll be traveling in our 25 foot motor home with our two dogs, Punkin and Rosie.  Our route will be coastal when possible, and counterclockwise.  We'll meet up with my brother in Florida in March, then head up to east coast to Boston in April to watch my niece, Angela, run the Boston Marathon.  We'll continue into Maine, then cross into Canada and back to the US though Michigan, and then take a northern route to Washington state to spend a few weeks on Whidbey Island visiting family and friends before heading back home.  Along the way, we'll be catching up with friends and family, but during the entire trip I'll be spending time doing research on senior housing, and talking with LGBT seniors about their hopes and desires for housing if living at home is not an option.

Jane will be taking pictures to help document our work and I'll be keeping up this blog to share highlights with you along the way.  I'm so excited to be getting back into qualitative research, a major focus of my graduate work at the University of Washington,  There are many things to consider and I am still in the process of sorting out my research process so I can make this study manageable.  Thankfully, I have friends with a variety of skills and expertise that will advise me along the way.  I hope to take questions and receive feedback from all who are interested in this important topic.  Keep posted! 

The beginning of a new era

So here it is....December 21st, 2012...and the world hasn't ended yet.  Guess that means we are beginning a new era!  I'm sitting here by the pool in Hoi An Vietnam.  Just had a lovely massage and while lying there getting a rub down, decided this vacation provided a great opportunity to get busy with my latest passion, finding a way to become an advocate for LGBT senior housing.  I've been playing around with some ideas in this regard for almost a year.  I've developed some thoughts, plans and even a proposal to forward this work.  I've shared these ideas with a handful of people involved with LGBT senior issues and have gotten positive response but need a larger network if this baby is going to get off the ground.

So, since the world doesn't seem to be ending.......let's get to it!

First, I should "out" my motivation for this work:  I'm getting old!  I just turned 60 and feel like this has been a major milestone.  Retirement is in the near future (scary enough) and a recent health episode brought me to my senses.  I'm not a young, active, workaholic lesbian anymore!  My partner, Jane, is seven years my senior.  We have a great and relatively easy and peaceful life with a few aches and pains, but we are NOT who our mothers were at 60!  What will happen to us if one or both of us need assistance and we can't live in our home anymore.  Where will we go?  Will there be a senior housing facility where we can live and be who we are now, a lesbian couple accustomed to behaving as a lesbian couple as we do everyday in our own home?

There are so many LGBT seniors who have been living our lives out of the closet for so many years, I can't imagine senior housing facilities are unaware of this impending market.  Other than a few LGBT-specified senior housing, the rest of the facilities either don't see it coming, don't want to acknowledge us or are just plain clueless!  Hello????  We're here, we're queer, and we coming your way!

Is anybody listening???

This is the beginning of a new era!

Element 1: Proximity to Community

It is January, 2013, and I am back home in San Diego and ready dig into regular posts on my blog.  Rather than blather on about why it is critical to have senior housing facilities address the needs of LGBT seniors, I would like to start outlining some elements that I believe are critical for senior housing facilities to address if they want our business.  I have identified 10 criteria and will write about one element every time I post.

Let's begin by accepting the obvious:  we are everywhere!  I have lived in three Midwest states, the Northwest and now in California.  I have lived in rural communities, mid-size university towns, small and large cities.  Everywhere I have lived in my adult life, I have been a part of the LGBT community and many of my friends still live in those communities. 

When I was in my early 30's, I lived in the beautiful Palouse area of Idaho.  A good friend there had inherited his family's farm house and acres of beautiful rolling wheat land.  When we talked about what we would do when we got "old and gray," my friend would say, "I think we should just turn the farm into a gay retirement home! We could sit out on the front porch in our rocking chairs and wave at the cars going by."  It was an intriguing idea back then -- a gay retirement home. Now there are several LGBT designated senior housing facilities in America and more being planned.  Most are in urban communities where there there are more LGBT residents.  But what about seniors who don't live close to one of those facilities and don't want to leave their current community to do so?  What about LGBT seniors who don't want to live in a community that is designated for LGBT residents only?  I've been out of the closet for several years and can't imagine feeling complete without my straight friends in close proximity.

Wherever we live, we should have access to senior housing that doesn't just "accept" us but welcomes us and affirms who we are!  AND we should be able to "age in place" where we have made our community.  Of course we all want to live in our homes as long as we are able.  As my grandmother used to say, "They'll have to carry me outa here with my boots on!"  Reality is, many of us will not be able to care for ourselves in our homes and may need the support provided in a facility that offers leveled care or specific care to meet our needs.  There are so many senior housing facilities here in San Diego, I realized I needed some criteria to limit my search.  There is nothing on the internet at this point to help guide my thinking, so, being the kind of woman who likes to think strategically, I read everything I could find about LGBT senior housing issues and generated some elements that I believe are critical to the needs of LGBT seniors and created criteria that could be useful in measuring or evaluating any facility I might be interested in. 

Element 1:  Proximity to Community or “Aging in Place”

Local housing is available so LGBT seniors don’t need to move to another community to find affirmative housing

Possible criteria for element 1: 

• ·   Shortest distance from community in which I currently reside (if that is my community of choice)

• ·   Ratio of LGBT-affirming housing facilities to LGBT residents in that community

• ·      Percentage of LGBT residents in the housing facility is representative of the community

Are there ANY LGBT-affirming senior housing facilities in San Diego?  How about where you live?  Does this element make sense?  Does the criteria fully define the element?