Ken and Ike

Ike

Ken

the view from their home

In Tucson, we met a couple that were neighbors of our friends, Carol and Sue.  Ken and Ike have been together for over 30 years.  They shared their life stories and were very forthright and introspective during their individual interviews.  As they talked about their travels, work, accomplishments and challenges, their abiding love and commitment to each other was evident.  If their interviews any indication of what is to come, our next six months will be filled with the opportunity to meet wonderful people and make new friends.  The stories of these LGBT seniors will provide rich descriptions of our lives and reveal our thoughts about how we want to live as we age.  

"This isn't a nursing facility."

On our visit to another gated Arizona RV park that is owned and operated by and for women, a long-time resident gave us a tour of the well- kept facilities and told us about the lifestyle in that community .  This park seemed to have residents who were slightly older that the previous park we visited but it had also been in operation longer.  As we walked the streets lined with tidy homes, we were greeted by a woman who was waiting for her ride to the opera.  Another woman was headed to the woodworking shop.  A couple drove by to drop off their house keys so their dog could be fed and watered.   Women here share responsibilities for everything from teaching classes to doing security duty.  When it comes to caring for each other, they surely do.  But, we were also told that there was a limit to what they could do for each other.  "This isn't a nursing facility."  I asked, "How do you decide when it is time for a resident to move into assisted living or a nursing home?"   I was told that residents had to make that decision.  In fact, the woman that was our guide, told us her partner had dementia.  Caring for her at home was no longer possible so she had recently moved her partner into a senior facility nearby.  I could only imagine how difficult this would be after years of living together.  There was a moment of levity in our conversation when she shared that during a recent visit to the facility, she saw her partner caressing the breasts of another woman resident in the unit.  Although it was a bit shocking to see her partner do this, the other woman didn't seem to mind at all!  Maybe there are some things we never forget!

For Grethe

Our Whidbey Island friend is being honored in a RV park for women in Arizona.  We were pleased to see her name up there with Amelia Earhart. 

A Place for Us

After spending a few days visiting family in the Phoenix area, it is time to get back to work!  For several years, we have heard about some great RV parks in the Apache Junction area for women like us, who like to RV and want warm sunshine in the winter.  Today Jane and I visited one park and had a wonderful conversation with the woman who is currently the head honcho.  We felt very comfortable in this environment and both agreed that it would be a nice place to live.  Women were very friendly and the entire place seemed to have good "juju."  When I asked about where residents went when they were unable to stay in their home, I was told that most were cared for by a network of friends within the park -- like co-housing.  When one resident needed to be in a facility with more skilled nursing care, there was a place nearby that was accepting of the woman's partner and recognized their relationship as we would wish all would do.  

When I described my research project and the need for change within senior housing with more out LBGT baby boomers looking at our needs and wants, I was told that this organization too, is thinking about how they market themselves to potential residents.  Will LGBT have a need to be separate as we age?  I admit, it felt wonderful to be in the company of women as we walked and biked around the park.  How would it feel to be with all women again almost all of the time?  Is an inclusive, blended community (straight and LGBT) really where we want to be?  I hope this 6 month adventure will help us make that decision. 

Babs

This seems like a good time to introduce you to an old friend of mine, Barbara (Babs) Littlejohn.  I owe so much to this wonderful woman -- she has been a mentor to me for over 30 years and is the source of my inspiration to take on this research project.

A little background:  Babs and I met each other in 1980 when we were both training to be VISTA volunteers.  Babs was working for Legal Aid in Boise, Idaho, and I was working in Sandpoint, Idaho, for a women's shelter.  We first met in McCall, Idaho in the middle of winter.  Babs knew the area well as she had taught in nearby New Meadows.  We went to a natural hot springs and, if you have ever been to one, you understand that it is rather difficult to hide much of anything!  Babs was 10 years my senior but the age difference didn't matter at all.  Sitting nude in the steaming hot springs on a beautiful winter night, the conversation and laughter flowed easily.  We quickly became close friends due to our common interests:   feminism, lesbianism, social justice and music.  During the 1990's we lost touch with each other but caught up again in 2005 through a rather strange coincidence due to her involvement in gifted education in Idaho, and my work as a school district administrator of a gifted program in Washington State.  After we had found each other again, we visited each other, talked on the phone and emailed regularly. 

Then, in 2011, Babs hit a rough patch.  She was so ill she couldn't stay in her home and care for herself.  All of Bab's friends rallied around her to find a place for her to live where she could be safe, well fed and cared for.  I joined an email group of her Boise friends so I could keep up with her situation and tried to help find an appropriate place for her in Boise.  So, from a distance, how do you find appropriate senior housing for a bright, articulate 70 year old, well-educated (Berkley) lesbian with a passion for politics, science, gardening, and music, who also has a dog and a few cats?  I searched web sites for several senior communities in the Boise area and none seemed to be a good fit for Babs.  To be honest, I'm not even sure WHAT I was looking for that would tell me, "This is a great place for Babs."  I looked at pictures to see how people were dressed.  Would Babs fit in wearing her overalls and a t-shirt?  Would she find these people interesting?  Would they be interested in getting to know her?   Would there be any other LGBT residents or  employees there?  How would they learn about her sexual orientation, and how would they react?  Is there anything on the intake form that would let her share this information?  If so, how confidential would that information be?  There were no signs to tell me, "We welcome LGBT here!"

While I was still searching for the "right place" via the internet, Bab's Boise friends had connected with a place they believed was a good fit.  Babs moved in and stayed for less than a year.  It wasn't the right fit and she just wasn't happy.  When I asked her if she liked the community she was always careful to say that the people were "lovely but a bit older" and they didn't have much in common.  She also missed being more independent.  

After spending year or so in an apartment complex, Babs has purchased a new home and finally feels settled in her nest again.  She is happy, healthy, and living close to the community activities in Boise that she so enjoys.  She's still teaching some -- helping a young Latino mother get her GED, she takes music lessons, plays in a recorder group and attends meetings and rallies to fight the very conservative Idaho political machine.   I hope she can stay in her home as long as possible but if she can't, and needs to return to senior housing, I hope by then there will be a place where Babs can be Babs. 

Pre-trip Interview at a Senior Community in San Diego

We're almost ready to go!  In just one week, Jane and I will be leaving on our 6 month adventure around the United States.  We'll be visiting old haunts and going to places we've never been before. We'll connect with friends and family we haven't seen for a while and meet new friends along the way.  Thanks to all of you who have helped us with suggestions for places to see and things to do in this beautiful country we call home.  I also want to thank friends who have have advised me as I move forward with my research project.  My research design is do-able and so far, the survey and interview questions seem to be getting at the issues.  A couple of weeks ago, Jane and I went to a senior housing facility in our neighborhood.  This is the place we both identified as a potential home for us when we are ready for that move to independent senior living.  We chose this community because it suited our desire to "age in place" and also seemed be a place where other open-minded Unitarians seem to prefer. I interviewed one of the administrators and was so happy to find that, yes, this senior community welcomes LGBT seniors and is seeking authentic ways to be welcoming and inclusive.  I am so excited to be researching this topic that is so important to our health and happiness as we age.

This is really going to happen!

A year has passed and I haven't posted anything.  Here are my excuses:  Last January I moved to a different job within the same organization I have worked for since 2009.  The new position was a welcome change but a bit of a learning curve.  Then Jane and I decided to put our house on the market.  It sold immediately so we were forced to consider our options.

Not owning a home actually put us in a great position to take the US road trip we had always dreamed of and combine that with my desire to research housing for LGBT seniors.  I asked for a six month leave of absence from my job and, thankfully, I was given approval.  Magic happens!  We are leaving San Diego on February 2nd and will return on August 1st!  We'll be traveling in our 25 foot motor home with our two dogs, Punkin and Rosie.  Our route will be coastal when possible, and counterclockwise.  We'll meet up with my brother in Florida in March, then head up to east coast to Boston in April to watch my niece, Angela, run the Boston Marathon.  We'll continue into Maine, then cross into Canada and back to the US though Michigan, and then take a northern route to Washington state to spend a few weeks on Whidbey Island visiting family and friends before heading back home.  Along the way, we'll be catching up with friends and family, but during the entire trip I'll be spending time doing research on senior housing, and talking with LGBT seniors about their hopes and desires for housing if living at home is not an option.

Jane will be taking pictures to help document our work and I'll be keeping up this blog to share highlights with you along the way.  I'm so excited to be getting back into qualitative research, a major focus of my graduate work at the University of Washington,  There are many things to consider and I am still in the process of sorting out my research process so I can make this study manageable.  Thankfully, I have friends with a variety of skills and expertise that will advise me along the way.  I hope to take questions and receive feedback from all who are interested in this important topic.  Keep posted!